Birthday thoughts....

It’s a good job that we can’t see what the future holds, if I cast my mind back to a year ago I thank God (or whatever) that I didn’t know what lay ahead – I knew there would be some difficult days, as once again I found myself painfully having to come to terms with being by myself yet again and I was devastated beyond words. I think that emotional scars run far deeper than physical scars, even now.
Perhaps the intense anxiety, worry and overwhelming emotion of the last 4 (now 5) years finally took its toll. I don’t know, and it doesn’t matter now anyway – but I do know that I didn’t think life could get much worse – it did. I know now that it always can – but I also know now that life is what you make it, whatever it throws at you.
Whilst it has been a tough year, it’s not been the worst year – that was 5 years ago, and yes, I wish she was here now. I suppose one of the hardest things is knowing what’s coming, not just for yourself, but for others – I’ve seen it from both sides now. I’m not sure whether I consider myself fortunate or not!
I went to a funeral earlier on in the year, a lovely lady who was very wise. The words that were spoken have remained with me, and I suppose I’ve tried to adopt them as my motto too:
Accept what you have. Never look back. Always have something to look forward to.
So, I try. It isn’t always easy, but it is possible – most things are.
So what are my hopes for the year ahead? Other than the obvious! Well, I would like my heart to heal enough so that I can love again without fear or insecurity; I want to stay strong in spirit and determination – and I hope to enjoy everything that life brings my way. That is my birthday promise to myself – for one year I am going to accept any opportunities and offers that come my way, unexpected or otherwise – unusual or just plain ordinary –…. if it’s legal and causes others no harm, my answer will be yes. I look forward to discovering where life will lead me this year.
My birthday wish? Just the one – it’s bad luck to say what you wish for isn’t it? – Let’s just say that those of you who know me well will figure it out, relieved in the knowledge that I’m following my newly adopted motto!
With love and blessings, Terri.