What a year...

Well the theme of the year has been survival and goodbyes… survived my op; survived chemo (just!); survived radiotherapy; survived Mike leaving; surviving life post diagnosis and single life – said goodbye to my loyal in trusted companion of 11 years, Bradley; said goodbye to life without the worries of cancer and said goodbye to my turbulent relationship of 4+ years (probably the hardest thing of the year).
It’s been a time of reflection and readjustment. Survival has revealed an inner strength beyond anything I’d either known or expected of myself (surprised a few people I think) and despite an immensely difficult year, as it draws to a close I feel stronger and more determined than ever. I do at times struggle – I’ve learnt that this is the ‘unseen’ side of cancer, there’s so much that only you (and fellow survivors know) – most people simply have no idea (even if they think they do!). It is a long and lonely journey, which isn’t to knock the support of my amazing friends, who have stood by me – and still stand by me – but essentially you are alone with the voice inside your head. This has been a year of incredible lows, and of course I worry about what the future will hold, but I can’t change that – I’m sad that certain people have decided to go their own way and not stand shoulder to shoulder with me, but with hindsight that was always inevitable. I have learnt that you can’t change people – not even with cancer in the equation it would seem.
Well, this time next week it will be Christmas. I’m looking forward to spending it with my family and the people that care about me.