Well, I think I've turned the corner and am finally departing the 'chemo zone'. Only had a few 'moments' yesterday and have woken up feeling relatively normal today ~ sleeping much better now so that helps. I am now in the 'I have no immune system' zone and will be at risk of infection for the reminder of the week, so I will continue to take things easy and avoid crowded spaces etc. That said I have not left the house since chemo (I'm currently hating that word and feel sick at its very mention!) and it does seem slightly cruel that the day you start to feel better is the day that you absolutely must avoid anyone that is ill at all costs! Ho Hum!
I think I am feeling well enough/ have enough energy to go out soon ... I'm fancying a trip to the garden centre (I know how to live!!!) and as I have just ordered my first ever (mini) greenhouse (growing things is therapeutic) it seems like a good idea. Nothing wildly ambitious - a few sweet peas etc. Any gardening tips greatly appreciated - I am a complete novice... I did attempt to grow tomatoes last year (and the year before that) but they just kind of shriveled and died!!! I'll let you know how it goes.
One more thing - ideas needed when you next text/ email for new things I can do in my life when better- one day the dreaded chemo will be over and my life will get back to normal - although now definitely changed forever - (or, according to Clare - changed back, I quote "don't take this the wrong way but breast cancer is the best thing that ever happened to you! Not that I would wish anyone to go through this, but finally I have my old Terri back”)
I agree - it's taken a while, but if you remember what I said in one of my first posts (The Story So Far - January) I really did lie on my bed, deeply devastated by events of the previous few years and knew that I was at rock bottom and that something had to happen to change my life around. Like I said, I never expected breast cancer to be the answer to my prayers but as I am slowly coming through my battles I can't help but feel brighter days lie ahead. Ideas needed please! Xxx
Tuesday, 31 March 2009
Saturday, 28 March 2009
1 down, 5 to go!
Well, it's taken me 3 days to update so that says something! Very up and down from the nasty effects of chemo. Wednesday wasn't too bad, nurses lovely. A long process, but managed to cope with the cold cap - listened to my yoga music (thanks Tabitha) and did my breathing (thanks Rowan) and i think my semi meditative state got me through the pain barrier to the numbness.
I must confess to a few tears as the chemo needle went in - a moment of reality i guess, but it wasn't too bad. I think i will be forever haunted by the size of the 2 large syringes of red 'treatment' - 30 cm- massive! Took best part of an hour to administer! Followed by 2 smaller clear syringes and last lot through a drip for 15 mins, all flushed through with saline, 2 more hours of cold cap - then had to wait for my hair to unfreeze before removing it (-6!!!) then finally got home about 3 (9am start!).
Ironically having just sent a text saying i was ok, effects not too bad etc - i entered what i can only describe as the 'chemo zone' and a world of my own private battle with the drugs. Words cannot describe easily what it feels like - spaced out most of the time, no pain as such (yet) or sickness - just the feeling of nausea which comes in waves. Am convinced steroids started to make this worse so not taking anymore!!! Then there are the delights of hot flushes, or what i call 'having a moment' - go bright red/ dizzy/ and out of it for varing lengths of time - not nice!
So, there you go - as it is! And as it has been on and off since wed pm. In fairness Thursday afternoon i felt i was through the worst and seemed ok - Thur pm through til this morning have been tough - feel bad that i slept during visitors (sorry Heidi & Heather), but was in the chemo zone!!! Have now had 2 good hours, just a couple of 'moments' so can't complain. If, as i've been told, i should turn the corner on day 10/11 then i'm nearly half way there! Stay with me - i will bounce back. Thanks again for all your texts and emails - can't tell you enough how much they help. Lots of love xxx
I must confess to a few tears as the chemo needle went in - a moment of reality i guess, but it wasn't too bad. I think i will be forever haunted by the size of the 2 large syringes of red 'treatment' - 30 cm- massive! Took best part of an hour to administer! Followed by 2 smaller clear syringes and last lot through a drip for 15 mins, all flushed through with saline, 2 more hours of cold cap - then had to wait for my hair to unfreeze before removing it (-6!!!) then finally got home about 3 (9am start!).
Ironically having just sent a text saying i was ok, effects not too bad etc - i entered what i can only describe as the 'chemo zone' and a world of my own private battle with the drugs. Words cannot describe easily what it feels like - spaced out most of the time, no pain as such (yet) or sickness - just the feeling of nausea which comes in waves. Am convinced steroids started to make this worse so not taking anymore!!! Then there are the delights of hot flushes, or what i call 'having a moment' - go bright red/ dizzy/ and out of it for varing lengths of time - not nice!
So, there you go - as it is! And as it has been on and off since wed pm. In fairness Thursday afternoon i felt i was through the worst and seemed ok - Thur pm through til this morning have been tough - feel bad that i slept during visitors (sorry Heidi & Heather), but was in the chemo zone!!! Have now had 2 good hours, just a couple of 'moments' so can't complain. If, as i've been told, i should turn the corner on day 10/11 then i'm nearly half way there! Stay with me - i will bounce back. Thanks again for all your texts and emails - can't tell you enough how much they help. Lots of love xxx
Tuesday, 24 March 2009
The night before...
Well, in 12 hours time the dreaded Chemo will be under way. Just want it over with now! I've been fortunate enough to continue to enjoy sunny days with my friends - and have discovered the delights of some of Poole's charity shops today - Shelley was especially pleased with her purchase of flowery skirt and matching blue shoes!!! Oh, and a top!
Loved the new(ish) deli-come-cafe on the quay (thanks Lynn!) enjoyed my last latte for a while - just can't quite do the 100% vegan thing!!! I did have a Mediterranean vegetable wrap to compensate!!!
So, thanks to you all - some fab memories to get me through phase 2 of this battle.
Well, here goes... after what seems like a very long wait it's time to get down to the serious business of blasting any remaining cells out of my body for good - i've told them that they are not welcome here!!! AND they are most definitely NOT to return. EVER!!!
Will keep you posted xxx
Loved the new(ish) deli-come-cafe on the quay (thanks Lynn!) enjoyed my last latte for a while - just can't quite do the 100% vegan thing!!! I did have a Mediterranean vegetable wrap to compensate!!!
So, thanks to you all - some fab memories to get me through phase 2 of this battle.
Well, here goes... after what seems like a very long wait it's time to get down to the serious business of blasting any remaining cells out of my body for good - i've told them that they are not welcome here!!! AND they are most definitely NOT to return. EVER!!!
Will keep you posted xxx
Sunday, 22 March 2009
My sunny week…
What an amazing week! How blessed I am to live so close to the beach and have so many lovely friends to keep me company…
It seems hard to believe that only a few weeks ago everything was covered in snow! When the sun came out last weekend I never dreamt that it would stay so sunny for so long….
I started my sunny week with breakfast at Jazzy’s – Sandbanks. It wasn’t the healthiest breakfast ever, but when you’re following what amounts to a vegan diet, you’ve got to have the occasional treat! Spent the day relaxing then headed back to Poole Quay, to Gossips for dinner (bit overpriced for what you get in my opinion, but nice enough nevertheless).
Sunday – Fab! Drove to Lulworth Cove and had breakfast on the beach; after confusion re whether or not Brownsea Island was open had picnic lunch at Evening Hill; discovered Brownsea Island WAS open, so headed over there for a few hours and finally ended up at the Haven hotel and had a very enjoyable (non-vegan) coffee as the sun began to set...
After a quiet morning saw my very lovely friend Lynn on Monday, and Barney and Oscar too! Always a pleasure.
Another trip to Jazzy’s on Tuesday with Flo (AKA Rachel) and Chiara – can’t believe she’s almost 1! Another non-vegan coffee was enjoyed, along with the company of course! Finally made it back to Yoga on Tuesday evening – wonderful as always.
Wednesday was another fantastic day, visited Heather at her posh mobile home which literally does look over the beach at Mudeford Quay – how cool is that?!!! Inspirational as always in her positivity, and it was lovely that Jackie and Karren could make it too – it did strike me that life can turn out to be most unexpected in the most unusual of ways – all 3 taught me when I was at FMS!!!
Finally caught up with Julie-Babes on Thursday, followed closely by Hilary – we both agree that neither of us have changed much since the Goldsmith’s Days – a few wrinkles now perhaps (well, me anyway!!!). Also made it into work Thursday afternoon – even I was impressed with my working ‘til 5.40pm!!!
Friday, back to the beach again – this time to Highcliffe, with my lovely friend Heidi. Lunch in the café and a good old natter and catch up. Fab. Fab. Fab.
The girls arrived Friday pm and we’ve all enjoyed a relaxed weekend, consisting of golf, tennis and all the usual; too many Gavin and Stacey and Top Gear repeats to mention and a non-vegan cream tea at Pamphill – all calories burned off on Bradley walk!!! (Maybe!) Must also mention my lovely Goddaughter Rachel – great to catch up after netball on Saturday (mum too!!!), looking forward to having lots of time together when you break up from school obscenely early in the summer!
So, that’s that! A very busy and enjoyable week. Mixed emotions as always on Mother’s day, and today’s sad news made it all the more poignant.
Now sat in my conservatory on my newly purchased reclining chair enjoying life! Love to you all xxx
It seems hard to believe that only a few weeks ago everything was covered in snow! When the sun came out last weekend I never dreamt that it would stay so sunny for so long….
I started my sunny week with breakfast at Jazzy’s – Sandbanks. It wasn’t the healthiest breakfast ever, but when you’re following what amounts to a vegan diet, you’ve got to have the occasional treat! Spent the day relaxing then headed back to Poole Quay, to Gossips for dinner (bit overpriced for what you get in my opinion, but nice enough nevertheless).
Sunday – Fab! Drove to Lulworth Cove and had breakfast on the beach; after confusion re whether or not Brownsea Island was open had picnic lunch at Evening Hill; discovered Brownsea Island WAS open, so headed over there for a few hours and finally ended up at the Haven hotel and had a very enjoyable (non-vegan) coffee as the sun began to set...
After a quiet morning saw my very lovely friend Lynn on Monday, and Barney and Oscar too! Always a pleasure.
Another trip to Jazzy’s on Tuesday with Flo (AKA Rachel) and Chiara – can’t believe she’s almost 1! Another non-vegan coffee was enjoyed, along with the company of course! Finally made it back to Yoga on Tuesday evening – wonderful as always.
Wednesday was another fantastic day, visited Heather at her posh mobile home which literally does look over the beach at Mudeford Quay – how cool is that?!!! Inspirational as always in her positivity, and it was lovely that Jackie and Karren could make it too – it did strike me that life can turn out to be most unexpected in the most unusual of ways – all 3 taught me when I was at FMS!!!
Finally caught up with Julie-Babes on Thursday, followed closely by Hilary – we both agree that neither of us have changed much since the Goldsmith’s Days – a few wrinkles now perhaps (well, me anyway!!!). Also made it into work Thursday afternoon – even I was impressed with my working ‘til 5.40pm!!!
Friday, back to the beach again – this time to Highcliffe, with my lovely friend Heidi. Lunch in the café and a good old natter and catch up. Fab. Fab. Fab.
The girls arrived Friday pm and we’ve all enjoyed a relaxed weekend, consisting of golf, tennis and all the usual; too many Gavin and Stacey and Top Gear repeats to mention and a non-vegan cream tea at Pamphill – all calories burned off on Bradley walk!!! (Maybe!) Must also mention my lovely Goddaughter Rachel – great to catch up after netball on Saturday (mum too!!!), looking forward to having lots of time together when you break up from school obscenely early in the summer!
So, that’s that! A very busy and enjoyable week. Mixed emotions as always on Mother’s day, and today’s sad news made it all the more poignant.
Now sat in my conservatory on my newly purchased reclining chair enjoying life! Love to you all xxx
Friday, 13 March 2009
Ovaries switched off!!!
Got called back to the hospital today, met Dr Dean herself (very nice), even though the chances of me having children now are even more remote than B.C. (before cancer) she suggested that I try to protect my ovaries in order to at least keep my options open... a little pellet is injected into my stomach every 4 weeks (ouch - big needle!) and the drug (Zoladex) basically 'turns off' my ovaries and in doing so they stand a much better chance of being protected from the nasty chemotherapy drugs.
So, it is official - my ovaries are now turned off... in just a few days time I will start to experience the symptoms of an early menopause, hot flushes etc. Still, it's only for the duration of chemo, so 5 months or so - hopefully! 11 days of a chemo free existence still to enjoy...
So, it is official - my ovaries are now turned off... in just a few days time I will start to experience the symptoms of an early menopause, hot flushes etc. Still, it's only for the duration of chemo, so 5 months or so - hopefully! 11 days of a chemo free existence still to enjoy...
Tuesday, 10 March 2009
Oncology appointment No.1
A long appointment – 2 hours to be exact! Meet with the Oncologist – well her registrar (who was younger than me ~ I must be getting old!). Physical check up all fine, no problems with scar. It all seems a bit of blur now, but between her and then the chemo nurse after, the following was established…
My first of 6 treatments will be on Wednesday 25th March (the first available appointment!!!) and every three weeks after that – as long as blood count back up.
Treatments 1 – 3 will be with FEC, the standard chemo in the UK, possible side effects include: temporary reduction in bone marrow function; complete hair loss*; sore mouth & ulcers; nausea & vomiting; diarrhoea; red urine; cystitis; tiredness & lethargy; dizziness & hot flushes; cramp in (injection) arm; dryness of skin & a tendency to sunburn(!); temporary taste changes.
Treatments 4 – 6 will be Taxotere (Docetaxal); this requires a premed of dexamethasone tablets 24 hours and 12 hours before treatment to prevent an allergic reaction to the chemotherapy. Side effects as above (except cystitis/ red urine/ dizziness/ hot flushes) plus fluid retention; pain in joints and muscles; skin and nail changes; allergic reaction.
Won’t have all the side effects (phew!) but won’t know which ones until after first treatment and 4th treatment.
*In order to try to prevent hair loss I have the option of wearing a ‘cold cap’ – rubber cap attached to a cooling machine: - 5!!! Worn 20 minutes before, during and 2 hours after chemotherapy. 50/50 chance of not loosing all my hair.
Hmmm, what else….
Herceptin – now not having Herceptin with Chemo, well not FEC as the hospital are in between trials and it’s also not compatible with FEC. I may go onto a trial and have it with Taxotere, don’t know yet. The latest I would start it would be after chemo, it’s administered once every 3 weeks for a year, I won’t even begin to go into side effects today!
If all goes to plan I should finish chemo 2nd week in July and will begin a 3 week daily course of radiotherapy 3 – 4 weeks after that. So, hope to be done with the nasties by the end of August.
Probably the most scary info that I received today was linked to the importance of avoiding picking up an infection at all costs, particularly around days 7 – 10, when my immune system will be practically wiped out, the seriousness of this came at the point when the oncologist said 1% of people die from picking up an infection during chemo – 1 in every 100 seems rather high to me, but I won’t be taking any chances!!!!
So, 2 weeks of freedom before the next phase of this battle. Seem to be making steady progress so far. Plan to continue to recharge my energies and do some fab things in this time… any suggestions/ ideas welcome. I’ll let you know!
Anyway, still feeling positive, again a big thanks to those of you that have text/ phoned during recent days, like I said before very much appreciated and definitely the best medicine. Lots of love XXX
My first of 6 treatments will be on Wednesday 25th March (the first available appointment!!!) and every three weeks after that – as long as blood count back up.
Treatments 1 – 3 will be with FEC, the standard chemo in the UK, possible side effects include: temporary reduction in bone marrow function; complete hair loss*; sore mouth & ulcers; nausea & vomiting; diarrhoea; red urine; cystitis; tiredness & lethargy; dizziness & hot flushes; cramp in (injection) arm; dryness of skin & a tendency to sunburn(!); temporary taste changes.
Treatments 4 – 6 will be Taxotere (Docetaxal); this requires a premed of dexamethasone tablets 24 hours and 12 hours before treatment to prevent an allergic reaction to the chemotherapy. Side effects as above (except cystitis/ red urine/ dizziness/ hot flushes) plus fluid retention; pain in joints and muscles; skin and nail changes; allergic reaction.
Won’t have all the side effects (phew!) but won’t know which ones until after first treatment and 4th treatment.
*In order to try to prevent hair loss I have the option of wearing a ‘cold cap’ – rubber cap attached to a cooling machine: - 5!!! Worn 20 minutes before, during and 2 hours after chemotherapy. 50/50 chance of not loosing all my hair.
Hmmm, what else….
Herceptin – now not having Herceptin with Chemo, well not FEC as the hospital are in between trials and it’s also not compatible with FEC. I may go onto a trial and have it with Taxotere, don’t know yet. The latest I would start it would be after chemo, it’s administered once every 3 weeks for a year, I won’t even begin to go into side effects today!
If all goes to plan I should finish chemo 2nd week in July and will begin a 3 week daily course of radiotherapy 3 – 4 weeks after that. So, hope to be done with the nasties by the end of August.
Probably the most scary info that I received today was linked to the importance of avoiding picking up an infection at all costs, particularly around days 7 – 10, when my immune system will be practically wiped out, the seriousness of this came at the point when the oncologist said 1% of people die from picking up an infection during chemo – 1 in every 100 seems rather high to me, but I won’t be taking any chances!!!!
So, 2 weeks of freedom before the next phase of this battle. Seem to be making steady progress so far. Plan to continue to recharge my energies and do some fab things in this time… any suggestions/ ideas welcome. I’ll let you know!
Anyway, still feeling positive, again a big thanks to those of you that have text/ phoned during recent days, like I said before very much appreciated and definitely the best medicine. Lots of love XXX
Wednesday, 4 March 2009
Got my date
Got my date for my appointment with my oncologist, next Tuesday morning. At this appointment my dates for chemo get sorted, type of chemo, herceptin trial plus all the lovely detail about possible risks and side effects.
Thanks to my lovely friend Diane for forewarning me that of all the hospital appointments this is the worst and for helping me to prepare for this!
Thanks again to ALL my lovely friends for the continued texts, emails and phone calls - they are the best medicine, your support through all my ups and downs will help me get through these difficult days (even the occasional ones where i can't keep up the brave face ~ despite my best efforts). So thank you, your efforts mean the world to me. I'll keep you posted xxx
Thanks to my lovely friend Diane for forewarning me that of all the hospital appointments this is the worst and for helping me to prepare for this!
Thanks again to ALL my lovely friends for the continued texts, emails and phone calls - they are the best medicine, your support through all my ups and downs will help me get through these difficult days (even the occasional ones where i can't keep up the brave face ~ despite my best efforts). So thank you, your efforts mean the world to me. I'll keep you posted xxx
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