Birthday thoughts....

It’s a good job that we can’t see what the future holds, if I cast my mind back to a year ago I thank God (or whatever) that I didn’t know what lay ahead – I knew there would be some difficult days, as once again I found myself painfully having to come to terms with being by myself yet again and I was devastated beyond words. I think that emotional scars run far deeper than physical scars, even now.
Perhaps the intense anxiety, worry and overwhelming emotion of the last 4 (now 5) years finally took its toll. I don’t know, and it doesn’t matter now anyway – but I do know that I didn’t think life could get much worse – it did. I know now that it always can – but I also know now that life is what you make it, whatever it throws at you.
Whilst it has been a tough year, it’s not been the worst year – that was 5 years ago, and yes, I wish she was here now. I suppose one of the hardest things is knowing what’s coming, not just for yourself, but for others – I’ve seen it from both sides now. I’m not sure whether I consider myself fortunate or not!
I went to a funeral earlier on in the year, a lovely lady who was very wise. The words that were spoken have remained with me, and I suppose I’ve tried to adopt them as my motto too:
Accept what you have. Never look back. Always have something to look forward to.
So, I try. It isn’t always easy, but it is possible – most things are.
So what are my hopes for the year ahead? Other than the obvious! Well, I would like my heart to heal enough so that I can love again without fear or insecurity; I want to stay strong in spirit and determination – and I hope to enjoy everything that life brings my way. That is my birthday promise to myself – for one year I am going to accept any opportunities and offers that come my way, unexpected or otherwise – unusual or just plain ordinary –…. if it’s legal and causes others no harm, my answer will be yes. I look forward to discovering where life will lead me this year.
My birthday wish? Just the one – it’s bad luck to say what you wish for isn’t it? – Let’s just say that those of you who know me well will figure it out, relieved in the knowledge that I’m following my newly adopted motto!
With love and blessings, Terri.

It's been a while...

What a busy 6 weeks! Despite my worst fears the summer holidays flew by, and life alone after cancer was/ is manageable. Priscilla Queen of the Dessert was fab! I’d see it again, highly entertaining! It was also good to be back in London- so much so I went back the following week to catch up with friends and to do some shopping – the Mac counter at Selfridges is bare - and I now have some lovely make up!
Looking back now I can’t quite remember how I filled my days but I did – it is wonderful to be blessed with so many good friends.
Herceptin is going well, minor side effects of tiredness and nails coming off are completely liveable with, especially after chemo! The good news is eyelashes and eyebrows have returned – and my hair is growing back too – dark brown!!!!
The summer finished with a major goal of mine being achieved – I was well enough to attend – and thoroughly enjoy - my brother’s wedding. It was a fantastic day, I will post some more pictures when I get a chance.

Then back to work – and I’m loving it. Hurrah for some normality, it’s good to be back and despite the fact that after recent years I now find this time of year quite difficult, I am happy to be back teaching again - children cut no slack for cancer and that’s great!
In brief, that’s a quick update – the last of my 35th year ~ birthday Tuesday, will write more then…